Liked it, didn’t love it.

In a previous post (see one below) I mentioned my Hollywood experience with managers and producers, specifically, their comments after reading my scripts.  Well, I have spent the last two weeks analyzing – as my limited time permits – several scripts using Shane Black’s rules.  I decided on four screenplays: Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang; Die Hard; Se7en; and Lethal Weapon 1.  and discovered this about my writing: 

1. My writing style is way too serious and matter of fact.
2. My stories have too few twists.
3. My stories have too few set ups and pay offs.
4. No running gags.
5. No humor during serious / tense situations.
As an example of what I learned/discovered, I will use Lethal Weapon 1 as a template to illustrate my point.  Not only because this is a Shane Black screenplay, but because pretty much everyone has seen the movie.  I have included the page numbers where each device occurs.  Here it goes: 
 

Lethal Weapon

Act I

Act IIa

Act IIb

Act III

Twists

p.1      p.17

 

 

p.51    p.69

P.95   P.95

Wife’s cooking jokes

p.6

p.39     p.40     P.45     p.50     p.53 

 

p.101  p.103

Murtaugh’s age jokes

p.7      p.9      p.23     p.24

p.35     p.41

 

p.101  p.101

Reference Riggs’ sanity

p.13     p.16     p.24

p.32     p.34

p.59

p.99   p.102

Set ups / Pay offs

p.26/94

p.44/71  p.46/80

p.56/61

p.87/94

 

Notice that the gags and twists and references to Riggs’ sanity start early in Act I – giving the reader/audience a glimpse into each character’s character and drawing us into the story.    

 In Act IIa we learn more about Riggs, Murtaugh and the plot. In addition, a couple of key set ups are put into place.              
 
By Act IIb our heroes are hip-deep in dodo so the gags fall off, but a couple of twists are added to complicate the story.
               
Finally, during ACT III the action is non-stop but the twists and gags continue (humor in tense situations) and three of the five set ups, pay off.
 
Bottom line?                                                        
 
I have a ton of work to do in order to bring my scripts up to snuff! Disappointed?  Ehh, a little.  But, I am really stoked to begin the next leg of my journey in becoming the best writer I can be now that I understand what managers and producers mean when the say, “Liked it, didn’t loveit.” 
 
That was my plan.  I learned from the best.  Now I will apply those lessons.  And then,
                                             
Keep Writing!
March 27th, 2010 in screenwriting, story | tags:

Comments (1)

E.C. HenryMarch 27th, 2010 at 12:59 pm

Sounds like your studying is paying off, Mike. And Shane Black’s a great guy to study from. His blend of action and humor really works well.

Never a bad idea to stop and re-evaluate your methods, and tweak accordingly. I’m excited to see where this takes you. :)

- E.C. Henry from Bonney Lake, WA

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